The Details: By Wearing Purple, Gavin Honors Motherโs Memory
November 03, 2016 | General, Men's Soccer
Danny Gavin will never forget his first attempt at an official visit to Washington. It wasn't because it was a wonderful experience โ it was quite the opposite. In fact, it never happened.ย
At the time, Gavin's focus was on anything but soccer. He had a dream, one wish and some hope.
He wanted his mother to live.
After watching Connie Gavin spend 22 months battling pancreatic cancer, the bitter reality of a devastating disease hit her son hard.
"It was really difficult for me to comprehend that at the time," he said, "because I was so young, so naïve and so hopeful at the same time."
His mother was receiving hospice care at the family's home in Phoenix, Ariz. when Gavin and his father, Joe, decided it was best to cancel the late-October trip to Seattle.
"I decided not to come, because we kind of knew it was day-to-day at the time," Gavin said.
To cancel the trip was an easy decision. Gavin wanted to spend every available second with the "captain of our ship," a woman the junior described as "the most hopeful, carefree, happy human being ever."
But, as he talked about his decision, Connie was listening. Gavin will never forget her reaction.
"She was upset she was impacting my life by preventing me from doing something because she was sick," he said. "It was an incredible memory watching her be upset at me for not going. She was never ever about her in any way, shape or form. It was always about us and that selflessness carried through our whole family."
Connie Gavin died on Nov. 1, 2012. Four years later, it is still difficult for Gavin to talk about his mother. The wound still feels fresh, especially in November (Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month) during the days that surround the anniversary.
"I haven't really opened up about it too much with people here, because it is hard to even talk about sometimes," he said.
But, while the story isn't one he tells often, he is passionate about honoring Connie's memory and using his experience to help others. So, on Nov. 6, the Washington men's soccer team will use its home game against San Diego State as a way to raise awareness for the disease.
"We're going to have a little remembrance," he said. "It's going to be really cool, because I haven't really opened up about it too much, but I'm really glad to open up to my team about it, because it has taken a huge toll on me, emotionally and physically.
"I'm happy to be able to say โ this is my story. I want to thank all of them for all the support they've given me, whether they know it or not."
Purple is the color used to signify pancreatic cancer, so the Huskies' traditional uniform color is the perfect pairing for what will be an emotional evening for Gavin. ย
"It's exceptionally cool we get to share this moment โ and Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month โ with all the people who have been affected negatively on this," he said. "Everyone comes together during this month, remembers and understands the difficulties this this type of cancer brings."
The opportunity to honor his mother's memory eases the burden Gavin often feels this time of year.
"It's pretty incredible how things work out," he said. "Somehow, someway, she's got a way of getting back here."
Standing inside Dempsey Indoor recently, Gavin started at the beginning. He looked back on the moment his mother was diagnosed.
It started when the family was at a wedding. Gavin was a sophomore. It was close to Christmas.
"It was a beautiful wedding, but my mom starts to feel sick at the end of it," he said.
Connie flew back to Arizona. Doctors thought she had pancreatitis before realizing it was stage 2 pancreatic cancer.
Gavin was 16 years old at the time. His initial thought: "This can't happen to my family. That doesn't happen. I was kind of in denial about it โ 'Oh, she's fine.'"
Then he started doing research.
"I started to realize this is going to be a very difficult fight for our family," he said.
She went through radiation and chemotherapy treatments. She was given two trial drugs.
"We threw everything at it we possibly could," he said.
Gavin always believed his mother was "going to win the fight."
After about 18 months, he started to panic.
"I was really starting to get desperate for a solution," he said. "I didn't want to face the fact that my mom was probably going to die."
The cancer had spread to Connie's lymph nodes. She started to lose her voice. And, eventually, the family brought her home to make her as comfortable as possible.
"Everything kind of flipped upside down at that point," he said.
Months away from his high school graduation, knowing he would soon be moving to Seattle, the reality of the situation was tough to take.
"It was very, very difficult," he said. "It was a critical point in my life, because I was leaving Arizona, my home base. I knew I was very fortunate to have this opportunity, but there was a part of me that was like, 'I'm leaving my family behind.'"
As he processed his grief, he knew the day would come when he would no longer have the "comfort and support" his father, his older brothers, Tyler and Scott, and his younger sister, Hannah.
"I think that was my biggest challenge, suffering alone up here," he said.
During his freshman year, he missed his mother.
"Losing that kind of voice and influence was extremely difficult," he said. "She knew me better than I knew myself."
Soccer provided a way for him to channel his emotions into something positive.
"Soccer has always been an outlet for me," he said. "That's the cool thing about it. I've always been able to take her presence and channel it onto the field or into my life in some way.ย
"It's kind of hard to explain how thankful I am to have a team that's been so supportive."
Four years removed from the worst day of his life, he still misses his mother. He always will. But he moves forward, focused on living his live in a way that honors Connie's memory.
"She taught us to not get down in a bad situation," he said.
So, here he is, with a smile on his face, looking forward to the future while never forgetting the woman who taught him how "to be in this world."
"She was always a big advocate of everything happens for a reason โ there's a grand old plan somewhere," he said. "She always believed that. When she passed, she thought it was the best time for us as a family. She fought until she thought we were ready. That's the most incredible thing.
"It feels good to talk about someone I truly miss dearly, but is never too far away. She lives on inside of us, somehow, someway."ย
