A Father Remembered
November 26, 2019 | Volleyball
By Mason Kelley
Cailin Onosko was a freshman. She was competing for Washington's beach volleyball team. She was preparing for a road trip to Portland.
Then a phone call changed everything.
Onosko was walking to get some food with teammates before getting on the bus when her phone rang. It was her mother, Holly. As soon as she started talking, Onosko knew something was wrong.
"Where are you?" Holly asked. "I need to talk to you. Who are you with?"
At that point, Onosko was worried.
"What's going on?" she asked.
Holly replied, "It's about your father."
Onosko, "kind of started to freak out," and thought her father, David, was sick or injured.
Then Holly asked if there was an adult Onosko knew nearby. Keegan Cook happened to be walking by, so Onosko passed the phone to her coach.
"I kind of realized something really bad had happened," Onosko said.
While she couldn't hear everything that was said in that moment, she began to understand what happened.
"I kind of heard her say that my dad had passed away," she said.
David suffered a fatal heart attack.
Onosko doesn't remember much about what happened next. She fell into her coach's arms and started crying. Cook helped lead her back to the locker room.
"I didn't know what happened," she said. "I couldn't believe it."
The team trainer and athletic department's sports psychologist met Onosko in the locker room. Cook was scheduled for a recruiting trip. He immediately canceled it.
"He just dropped everything and they got me a flight," she said. "He flew down to San Diego with me. I don't think I could have done it alone, so I could never thank him enough for dropping everything and getting on that flight."
Onosko didn't have family living in San Diego anymore, so she went to stay with friends. Holly flew in. Onosko focused all of her attention on grieving and, in the moment, wasn't sure if she would return to college, let alone volleyball.
"How was I supposed to go back to the life I had when I just lost my best friend?" she said.
There were moments when Onosko tried to focus her attention on other things. She wanted to pretend it didn't happen. She wanted to ignore a situation she wasn't ready to emotionally process.
But, when she started to think about Washington and her future, her attention shifted to teammates, coaches and support staff.
"I knew, if I was going to make it through, it was all about the people I surrounded myself with," Onosko said. "I just tried to surround myself with people and think about what my dad would want from me, think of using him to fuel all my dreams and aspirations."
She rejoined the team after a few weeks. The Huskies were in Los Angeles. As she tried to reintroduce herself to the life that had been turned upside down, she thought of her father a lot, especially when it came to volleyball.
"He was at every single game I had growing up," she said.
In fact, it was David who first fell in love with Washington.
"He took me on my original visit here and he fell in love with it and that's one of the reasons I wanted to come here, because of how much he loved it," she said.
The more volleyball she played, the more she thought about her father. Over time, though, her grief transformed.
"My love of the game grew even more, because when I played it and when I was around it, I was able to think of him," she said. "That's been one of the big things, every time I play, I think about him."
"I'm here because of him and everything he did for me."
While volleyball became a refuge for Onosko, simple things like walking to class weren't always easy. She was used to calling her father as she trekked across campus every day, and it felt like there was something she needed to do but couldn't.
She would call his cell phone and leave voicemails, and she would listen to messages she had saved.
He was in his 50s when he died, the kind of guy who woke up every morning at 6 a.m. for yoga. He was healthy, so Onosko often asked a simple question: "Why?"
"That was another thing that was really hard to grasp, because it was completely out of the blue," she said.
Over time, though, she was able to focus on the good memories, the little things she shared with her father.
"Every single night (in high school) I'd have dinner with him," she said. "He would cook and I'd help. Every night, no matter how busy, because I had volleyball and school, all that stuff, but we would spend every evening eating dinner and watching sports together.
"The Chargers, when they were in San Diego, we would go to the games and tailgate. He was really big into sports."
And then, last year around Christmas, Onosko went back to San Diego and visited all the places she went with her father.
"Before, I couldn't do that," she said. "It was too hard."
Onosko and David lived 15 minutes from the beach in Del Mar and they would take walks by the water at night, so that's what Onosko did. She visited her old volleyball club and went to the Poseidon, a restaurant on the beach they enjoyed. She even drove by their house.
"Getting the chance to go back, it was definitely nice to relive it," she said. "It's bittersweet, but now I'm getting to the point where, everything I do, I want to appreciate him, what he gave me and just keep living through him."
Onosko persevered through the toughest moment in her life and now she is a senior playing the best volleyball of her career for the 9th-ranked Huskies.
"There are no positives in the situation, but there's a positive in the sense that you gain another support system internally, something to push you through the tough times," she said. "I just have so much more support now internally.
"I just hope that anybody who loses someone they love knows that, while it's really hard in the beginning, and it's hard all the way through, you gain something inside of you. My dad now, I know he's a part of me, helping to push me even harder."
When the Huskies honor their seniors this week, it will be a bittersweet moment for Onosko. She will celebrate with her teammates, but she will think about her dad. He came to watch Washington play Onosko's freshman year, but she didn't take the floor. While David never got to watch his daughter play college volleyball, Onosko honors his memory with each opportunity she receives.
"One big thing that's always been hard is he never got to see me play here," she said. "That was tough. But, before a game, during the national anthem, I look around and know he's here, he's watching from above."
Cailin Onosko was a freshman. She was competing for Washington's beach volleyball team. She was preparing for a road trip to Portland.
Then a phone call changed everything.
Onosko was walking to get some food with teammates before getting on the bus when her phone rang. It was her mother, Holly. As soon as she started talking, Onosko knew something was wrong.
"Where are you?" Holly asked. "I need to talk to you. Who are you with?"
At that point, Onosko was worried.
"What's going on?" she asked.
Holly replied, "It's about your father."
Onosko, "kind of started to freak out," and thought her father, David, was sick or injured.
Then Holly asked if there was an adult Onosko knew nearby. Keegan Cook happened to be walking by, so Onosko passed the phone to her coach.
"I kind of realized something really bad had happened," Onosko said.
While she couldn't hear everything that was said in that moment, she began to understand what happened.
"I kind of heard her say that my dad had passed away," she said.
David suffered a fatal heart attack.
Onosko doesn't remember much about what happened next. She fell into her coach's arms and started crying. Cook helped lead her back to the locker room.
"I didn't know what happened," she said. "I couldn't believe it."
The team trainer and athletic department's sports psychologist met Onosko in the locker room. Cook was scheduled for a recruiting trip. He immediately canceled it.
"He just dropped everything and they got me a flight," she said. "He flew down to San Diego with me. I don't think I could have done it alone, so I could never thank him enough for dropping everything and getting on that flight."
Onosko didn't have family living in San Diego anymore, so she went to stay with friends. Holly flew in. Onosko focused all of her attention on grieving and, in the moment, wasn't sure if she would return to college, let alone volleyball.
"How was I supposed to go back to the life I had when I just lost my best friend?" she said.
There were moments when Onosko tried to focus her attention on other things. She wanted to pretend it didn't happen. She wanted to ignore a situation she wasn't ready to emotionally process.
But, when she started to think about Washington and her future, her attention shifted to teammates, coaches and support staff.
"I knew, if I was going to make it through, it was all about the people I surrounded myself with," Onosko said. "I just tried to surround myself with people and think about what my dad would want from me, think of using him to fuel all my dreams and aspirations."
She rejoined the team after a few weeks. The Huskies were in Los Angeles. As she tried to reintroduce herself to the life that had been turned upside down, she thought of her father a lot, especially when it came to volleyball.
"He was at every single game I had growing up," she said.
In fact, it was David who first fell in love with Washington.
"He took me on my original visit here and he fell in love with it and that's one of the reasons I wanted to come here, because of how much he loved it," she said.
The more volleyball she played, the more she thought about her father. Over time, though, her grief transformed.
"My love of the game grew even more, because when I played it and when I was around it, I was able to think of him," she said. "That's been one of the big things, every time I play, I think about him."
"I'm here because of him and everything he did for me."
While volleyball became a refuge for Onosko, simple things like walking to class weren't always easy. She was used to calling her father as she trekked across campus every day, and it felt like there was something she needed to do but couldn't.
She would call his cell phone and leave voicemails, and she would listen to messages she had saved.
He was in his 50s when he died, the kind of guy who woke up every morning at 6 a.m. for yoga. He was healthy, so Onosko often asked a simple question: "Why?"
"That was another thing that was really hard to grasp, because it was completely out of the blue," she said.
Over time, though, she was able to focus on the good memories, the little things she shared with her father.
"Every single night (in high school) I'd have dinner with him," she said. "He would cook and I'd help. Every night, no matter how busy, because I had volleyball and school, all that stuff, but we would spend every evening eating dinner and watching sports together.
"The Chargers, when they were in San Diego, we would go to the games and tailgate. He was really big into sports."
And then, last year around Christmas, Onosko went back to San Diego and visited all the places she went with her father.
"Before, I couldn't do that," she said. "It was too hard."
Onosko and David lived 15 minutes from the beach in Del Mar and they would take walks by the water at night, so that's what Onosko did. She visited her old volleyball club and went to the Poseidon, a restaurant on the beach they enjoyed. She even drove by their house.
"Getting the chance to go back, it was definitely nice to relive it," she said. "It's bittersweet, but now I'm getting to the point where, everything I do, I want to appreciate him, what he gave me and just keep living through him."
Onosko persevered through the toughest moment in her life and now she is a senior playing the best volleyball of her career for the 9th-ranked Huskies.
"There are no positives in the situation, but there's a positive in the sense that you gain another support system internally, something to push you through the tough times," she said. "I just have so much more support now internally.
"I just hope that anybody who loses someone they love knows that, while it's really hard in the beginning, and it's hard all the way through, you gain something inside of you. My dad now, I know he's a part of me, helping to push me even harder."
When the Huskies honor their seniors this week, it will be a bittersweet moment for Onosko. She will celebrate with her teammates, but she will think about her dad. He came to watch Washington play Onosko's freshman year, but she didn't take the floor. While David never got to watch his daughter play college volleyball, Onosko honors his memory with each opportunity she receives.
"One big thing that's always been hard is he never got to see me play here," she said. "That was tough. But, before a game, during the national anthem, I look around and know he's here, he's watching from above."
Players Mentioned
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